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Today is Maddox’s first day of Daycare.  It is also the first time we have been apart this long, ever. I really hope he is happy and doing well.  It is nap time now.  I don’t have high hopes of him napping there without crying.  We’ll see! From what I hear, every kid does great the first couple days, then things fall apart and they don’t want to go anymore. Then this phase lasts somewhere between a couple weeks to a couple months, depending on the kid.

I have been trying to keep as busy as possible so as to not over think this separation and totally meltdown. I have a hefty dose of pregnancy hormones working against me, but so far I’ve done pretty well. I went to the Mission for hipster donuts (bacon apple maple glazed), Rainbow Market (hippie co-op), car wash, met with our designer, met with a painter, and now am enjoying lunch. So far, I’ve made it without crying. I almost did for a minute in the grocery store when I saw all the kid books and toys, but I sucked the tears right back in. Once I get going on the crying thing, there is no turning back.

I’m excited about this new phase. I think it will be really great for all of us. Mostly though, I’m doing it for him. I want him to socialize, learn to take direction from other grown-ups, make friends, and have his “own life” that doesn’t involve us or the baby-to-be. Of course this is also good for me…I guess. I don’t quite see it that way yet. I feel guilty about out-sourcing my family. Once the new baby is here it will be nice to have special time that is just for her.  Also this is an attempt at helping Maddox to feel more independent and less displaced. Hopefully it all goes well!  I just have to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this.